A
Vietnam Veteran’s Advice
to The Troops in Iraq
May 30, 2003
. . .Last week our Beloved Emperor
Bonehead the Younger declared victory over the barbarians. I guess
the barbarians didn’t hear him because they were too busy
bushwhacking the patrols of our Glorious Imperial Legions. Since
Bonehead bespoke himself the Iraqi resistance has killed several
Americans, and our Glorious Imperial Legions are being shot at on
a daily basis all across Iraq.
. . .But not to worry – our Glorious
Imperial Generals have a bold new strategy to subdue the aborigines.
They have ordered their troops to get out of their armored vehicles
and to patrol on foot. Furthermore, the brass have increased the
number of patrols and ordered them to patrol areas they had previously
avoided because of hostile receptions by the local ingrates. In
effect, the brass have ordered the troops to parade aimlessly around
Baghdad like ducks
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in some carnival shooting gallery until snipers
blow their brains out. This may seem like an insane policy guaranteed
to fill body bags while accomplishing nothing. However, it’s
really a stroke of imperial military genius. I will explain.
. . .This policy is not unlike the
strategy in Vietnam, where we grunts would roam the countryside
burning down houses and shooting “Viet Cong.” And our
clever generals always knew exactly where to find the “Viet
Cong” – they were always most numerous in the areas
where we were burning down “Viet Cong” houses. This
reliable old trick should work just fine in Iraq, too. Instead of
looking for “Viet Cong,” we’ll be rampaging about
looking for “fundamentalist terrorists,” or whatever
and finding plenty of them. And don’t forget the windfall
of dead but perfectly photogenic “heroes” that this
policy of sitting duck patrols will produce.
. . .The Glorious Imperial Media recently
turned its spotlight on one of these dead but photogenic and therefore
still useful “heroes.” This particular dead “hero”
happened to be the first “Native-American” female “soldier”
to die in combat. The NWO sanctioned ceremony that honored this
“hero” even included a dance troop of Indians in authentic-looking
costumes. These lawn jockey Indians danced around in a circle and
chanted “Oh Ga Bo Ga” or something like that. This sight
confused me because I’ve known a number of actual Indians
and not one was an idiot. I remained confused until I looked up
“Oh Ga Bo Ga” and found out that translated into English
it means “What the heck did the dumb broad expect?”
I’m only kidding of course. I have no idea what the Indians
were chanting.
. . .Why am I making a mock of this
official “hero?” Because I have to explain some important
military matters to young members of our Glorious Imperial Legions
stationed in Iraq, and as always the first step in preparing to
receive military wisdom is maintaining a good, healthy military
frame of mind. To have a good, healthy military frame of mind you
must become callous and indifferent to the suffering of others to
the point that you find their suffering humorous and begin to mock
it. And more to the point you must come to understand that most
of what happens in most wars is pure theater and mockery designed
to deceive the public in general and you in particular, young soldier.
. . .Take, for instance, the use of
depleted uranium by our Glorious Imperial Legions during their world-wide
campaign of slaughter and destruction. Our Glorious Imperial Air
Force has been dropping
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2,000 pound bombs with depleted uranium
jackets all over the Middle East for years. All total they’ve
dropped thousands of tons of the stuff. The stated reason for jacketing
these bombs in depleted uranium is to increase their military effectiveness.
The military brass and their apologists point out that depleted
uranium is extremely dense and therefore it penetrates armor plate
and bunkers much better than any available substitute. Their explanation
is pure B.S. and makes no military sense at all. Any 2,000 pound
bomb landing anywhere near a tank will blow it half way across Baghdad
and turn anyone inside into a sort of jellified pink mush. No penetration
effect is required.
. . .The real motive for the extensive
use of depleted uranium by our Glorious Imperial Legions is simply
to get rid of the nasty stuff so we don’t have to deal with
the hassle of storing it here in America. And consider the bigger
military picture. Think of the message we’re sending to Iran:
“Mess with the NWO and we’ll turn your country into
a radioactive wasteland just like we did to your neighbors, Afghanistan
and Iraq.” All the talk about tanks and bunkers and penetration
is pure theater designed to distract the public away from topics
they do not want discussed, such as turning entire countries into
radioactive wastelands.
. . .And this bit of theater with the
depleted uranium gets us back to the similar theatre of the sitting
duck patrols that the brass have ordered in Iraq. The search and
destroy rampages in Vietnam and the sitting duck patrols in Iraq
both seem brainless and counterproductive when judged against their
stated purpose, but make perfect sense when you substitute another
purpose. I hope I have made my point clear enough so that young
soldiers in Iraq will understand that their generals are not the
idiots they perceive them to be. Cheer up, guys. Your generals are
not idiots; they are killing you on purpose.
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9-11 Tower collapse
Puhhleeasse Bush!!!
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. . .I also have this to say to the
American occupation troops in Iraq: Don’t get uptight about
my mocking your sufferings. That’s my way as a Vietnam veteran
of welcoming you to the club, so to speak. You’re being lied
to and murdered just like the cannon fodder in Vietnam, and the
sooner you get over any silly notions like honor or sympathy or
bizarre rituals the better off you’ll be. And don’t
waste any time worrying about Osama bin Subcontractor. He’s
probably sipping umbrella drinks in some posh resort in Switzerland
and chatting on his cell phone with his accountant in London. He’s
playing his part in this theater, and you should likewise be a good
soldier and play your part, which happens to be parading around
Baghdad in sitting duck patrols until such a time as you get your
brains blown out and you become a “hero.”
. . .If any of you people in the Glorious
Imperial Legions are offended by what I have said, I invite you
to visit my web site. (See the articles archive at Amfirstbooks.com) where I have some additional comments for you.
I have rewritten General Custer’s favorite song “Gerry
Owen” so that it is more pertinent to your current situation
as mercenaries for the New World Order.